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The Words That Can't Be Shared: Exploring the Design of Unsent Messages

Michael Yin, Robert Xiao

TL;DR

Unsent messages represent a digital liminal space where people externalize difficult feelings without disclosure. The authors use a formative interview study to characterize motivations and outcomes, followed by speculative design probes with nine note-taking variants to examine how platform design shapes emotional, temporal, and ritual aspects. They find unsent messages function as expressive containers that support reflection and self-understanding, and that design can modulate authenticity, letting go, and autonomy. The work contributes empirical insight into unsent messaging, a design space for reflective technologies, and design recommendations for fostering emotional well-being in digital communication.

Abstract

People often have things they want to say but hold back in conversations, fearing vulnerability or social consequences. Online, this restraint can take a distinctive form: even when such thoughts are written out - in moments of anger, guilt, or longing - people may choose to withhold them, leaving them unsent. This process is underexamined; we investigate the experience of writing such messages within people's digital communications. We find that unsent messages become expressive containers for suppressed feelings, where the act of writing creates a pause for reflection on the relationship and oneself. Building on these insights, we probe into how the design of the writing platforms of unsent messages affects people's experiences and motivations. Speculating with participants on nine evocative variants of a note-taking platform, we highlight how design shapes the emotional, temporal, and ritualistic qualities of unsent messages, revealing subtle tensions between people's social desires and communicative actions.

The Words That Can't Be Shared: Exploring the Design of Unsent Messages

TL;DR

Unsent messages represent a digital liminal space where people externalize difficult feelings without disclosure. The authors use a formative interview study to characterize motivations and outcomes, followed by speculative design probes with nine note-taking variants to examine how platform design shapes emotional, temporal, and ritual aspects. They find unsent messages function as expressive containers that support reflection and self-understanding, and that design can modulate authenticity, letting go, and autonomy. The work contributes empirical insight into unsent messaging, a design space for reflective technologies, and design recommendations for fostering emotional well-being in digital communication.

Abstract

People often have things they want to say but hold back in conversations, fearing vulnerability or social consequences. Online, this restraint can take a distinctive form: even when such thoughts are written out - in moments of anger, guilt, or longing - people may choose to withhold them, leaving them unsent. This process is underexamined; we investigate the experience of writing such messages within people's digital communications. We find that unsent messages become expressive containers for suppressed feelings, where the act of writing creates a pause for reflection on the relationship and oneself. Building on these insights, we probe into how the design of the writing platforms of unsent messages affects people's experiences and motivations. Speculating with participants on nine evocative variants of a note-taking platform, we highlight how design shapes the emotional, temporal, and ritualistic qualities of unsent messages, revealing subtle tensions between people's social desires and communicative actions.
Paper Structure (31 sections, 2 figures, 1 table)

This paper contains 31 sections, 2 figures, 1 table.

Table of Contents

  1. Introduction
  2. Background and Related Work
  3. Online Expression and Self-Censorship
  4. Computer-Mediated Communication (CMC) in One-to-One Messaging
  5. Writing, Self-Reflection, and Emotional Processing
  6. Designing Reflective and Affective Technologies
  7. Formative Study --- Exploring the Experience of Unsent Messages
  8. Participant Recruitment
  9. Study Protocol
  10. Data Analysis
  11. Findings
  12. Unsent Messages as Containers for Unspoken Feelings
  13. Unsent Messages Give Shape to Imagined Scenarios
  14. Unsent Messages Take On Ritualistic Qualities
  15. Unsent Messages Help with Processing and Reflection
  16. ...and 16 more sections

Figures (2)

  • Figure 1: Some examples of our probes. Subimage (a) is our default --- an implementation of a basic notes app. Subimage (b) is Probe-Burn --- which invites the user to burn their written message after writing it. Subimage (c) is Probe-Fade --- in which messages fade over time and eventually get deleted as they are written. Subimage (d) is Probe-ForcedSend --- which imagines if unsent messages were instead sent automatically after a set time.
  • Figure 2: The emotional outcomes of unsent messages and the design features that nudge towards each outcome.